I Ain't To Proud To Beg (or at least to ask for help)!

Hello world! It's been a bit since we had a blog post. It's crazy to think that in just over a month it will be 2 years since Elemér became a part of our family. It has definitely been a journey. He has come a long way in these 2 years but still has a long way to go. He's worked with private speech therapists and OT therapists for almost all of those 2 years as well as worked with speech teachers and OT people provided by the school district. He's had amazing teachers and all of these people have done a great job in helping him make these strides. Also, this year he was officially diagnosed with ADHD. Any of you that have been around him at all though realize that this wasn't a shocker.

Recently we've heard commercials on a radio station out here for centers called Brain Balance that specialize in working with kids to help strengthen the areas of their brain that are weak/under developed. This is a very basic explanation of it all. If you want a better understanding, please go check out their website https://www.brainbalancecenters.com/our-program/ and/or check out the book, Disconnected Kids, by Dr. Robert Melillo.

Needless to say we started researching this, reading the book, reading the blogs of people who have had their kids go through the program, the opinions of medical professionals online, etc. While the medical profession overall doesn't seem to think very highly of this program, they slowly seem to be coming around. I haven't been able to find a blog of someone who has put their child through this and really followed all aspects of the program who hasn't seen their child have great success. We decided to at least go and get Elemér evaluated. Next week we meet with them to go over the results and determine the best individualized plan for him to move forward. 

Now comes the part where I beg...not really, but I am going to ask if you would be willing to help us again. I know many of you donated to help us adopt Elemér and for that we are eternally greatful. While insurance will cover Elemér going to see OT and speech therapists, they will not cover this program even though those things are in this program as well. I'm hoping that whether you were able to help us before or not that you would consider helping us out again. The program, at a minimum is 12 weeks/3 months long (1 session). The cost for a session is $6000. I don't want you to think I'm asking you all to fund the entire thing. I've started a Go Fund Me compaign to take donations and it does show $6000 as the goal, and that is the goal but Jen and I fully plan on putting money into this as well, obviously. We just aren't sure we can come up with the entire amount ourselves, in time to start (which could be as early as later this June), but we will figure it out if we have to. We'd prefer to not take out a loan or finance it but we think we have enough friends and family that are willing to invest in this with us that we won't have to go that route.

We are going after every opportunity to help Elemér reach his full potential!  If you'd be willing to join with us again and help please click the button below or on the side of blog to go to our fundraising campaign.  

Happy Husband Appreciation Day!

As the clock rings in Easter  I realize that a very important day had come and gone without one peep. I have been on on social media off and on all day and no one, that I have seen, has mentioned it. And I realized it is very important to me.

As I write this, my sweet husband is asleep, on the floor, in a 5yr old's room. As we  re-acclimate  him from vacation. (This was not part of the plan and this is a story for another day.) I fully offered to sleep in the said 5yr old's room but my husband insists we share the duty. So while I am lying in the comfort of a real bed I thought I would pay my respects to Husband Appreciation Day.

Now, I have learned over the years that husbands come in all shapes and size. Some travel, some raise the kids, but mine is perfect for my family. Yes we are all human and can't live up to the expectations of others and there can be disagreements, but I CANNOT imagine doing life without Tony. He is my calm rock, an amazing dad, and not a bad cook. We have been through so much together and if I can give you some advice on marriage, it is to get help when you need it and never stop communicating even when it seems like it is a dirty mess that you just don't want to get into.

His hugs heal me and I have learned to adore the boys relationship with him. E sometimes says 'I want a daddy, not a mommy' when he wants Tony and it melts my heart every time.

Tony never gets too mad at me for being outright ridiculous sometimes. He supports everything I do, loves his family, and wants only the best for all of us. He will sacrifice his pleasures for ours and never complains about it.

I love you you with all my heart. Xoxo


Ps: If you read this whole post. I apologize. Tony is also my proof reader and since this is about him, I apologize for run on sentences and in-proper writing rules!

(Proof readers note: Don't worry honey, I corrected what I found. ;-)  Tony)

Elemér's 5th Birthday

Today is an amazing day. Today this sweet crazy boy turns 5!

Elemér has taught us so much these last 3 months, but mostly how much God loves us. I am simply still in amazement when I think of our journey to this point in our family. 

Today more than any, I think about his birth and the choice his birth mother made to give him life and his foster mother made to care for him and God to call us to Elemér for his forever home! 

NOTHING is to small or big for God! 

Today we celebrated Elemér at home with his new swing present & pumpkin muffins, at school with donuts and wearing a special birthday hat, then at home with his Great Aunt and Uncle along with 2 cousins. He enjoyed a whole day of  'mine' and Momma and Daddy not correcting him so much. :) Today is all about you buddy and you deserve it!!! 

Making memories and milestones

         Pooh made by Grandma Carol

It is hard to believe we have been home for just over a month already! As I look back on pictures from our trip it seems like a lifetime ago. Our family is adjusting to this new 'normal'. At first I have to admit it was quite a shock coming home, not what I expected. My expectation was that we would get home and settled in and it would feel great! But the reality is that we now have a 4 1/2-year-old who is quite active and there is still lots to do in our normal every day...groceries to buy, clothes to wash, toys to play with and pickup.

               New light up shoes!

I will say I feel like Elemér has adjusted the best of all of us! He took to his room quite well and enjoys going from room to room exploring its contents. :) Due to his adventuresome personality we have had to put child door knob covers on Austin's bedroom and our bedroom doors along with the outside doors. Elemér was used to coming and going as he pleases. 

                    Balance bike 

Elemér continues to love being outdoors. We purchased him a balance bike and he enjoys spending time exploring our yard as well as other people's  yards. He also likes dumping out all the toys in the garage. I have cleaned up our front porch glide rocker and have started enjoying sitting on it again. The mornings are a great time to go out when it is not so hot and humid.

            Morning outside play time

Also during this time we have been taking Elemér to physical therapy and occupational therapy evaluations as well as hearing, vision, and speech evals. For the most part these have gone well and we have been given some exercises that we work on with Elemér to help him get to where he should be physically and to help him begin to normalize some sensory issues that have been detected. We are currently waiting for him to be evaluated by the school district's special needs department to see if he needs any extra learning help beyond just learning English.

Recently we had been informed of a preschool class that would potentially be a good fit for Elemér as it has special needs services and regular peer modeling as well. We are excited that Elemér was able to join the class and has  three great teachers! The last week and a half Tony and I have been taking him to explore the class and he even had some 'test run' full days. Starting this week Elemér will be attending school all day Tuesdays and Thursdays. He has been doing great in class, and seems to enjoy going back each time.

                   New book bag 

This is not the order in which we intended (school before meeting extended family) but God had other plans. He's already grown so much in his knowledge and understanding! Over the next two months we will continue to work on family as well as slowly add any more days of preschool. 

Some milestones with noting: 

1- Elemér is no longer wearing pull-ups at bed time. 

2- He has began saying 2 word sentences for Goodbye (ex: bye girl, bye Apa, etc..). 

3- Elemér's vocabulary has expanded. 

4- He has started swimming pretty much on his own! 

Just to name a few :) 

Austin is adjusting to life with a little brother and as a fifth grader! We could not be more proud of him over this last month. 

We are thankful for everyone's prayers and support and we welcome continued prayers as Elemér begins school "for real" and we still continue bonding as a family.

Some Night Time Advice For Toddler Parents

A word of advice to parents, that have a child that is just starting to transition from pull-ups/diapers to undies, for night time. 

Many may already have heard of doing this but just incase, Jen and I highly recommend two mattress protectors for your child's bed. Put one on, then put on a fitted sheet. Next put on the second mattress protector over the first fitted sheet and then add the second fitted sheet. Finally, put on your flat sheet and any blankets or comforters that you'd like. 

Now if your child has an accident in the middle of the night, or if they get sick and throw up in bed you can just rip off the top fitted sheet and mattress protector and then put your child right back to bed. We did this for Austin as well as now for Elemér and it has paid off big time. Much less time at night getting your child back to bed with the least amount of sleep lost as possible. 

The mattress protector that we use and recommend is this one 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00EJOYNHO/ref=ox_sc_saved_image_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=AEJ3W9CKX90MW

It's really pretty soft, not like the old all plasticky ones and doesn't make that crinkling sound when your kid rolls around in the bed. Maybe a little more pricey but we think it's been worth it.

Hopefully this helps some of you parents out there, avoid later nights than necessary when an accident happens.

Inquiring minds want to know- How are we doing?

First of all thank you all for texting, messaging, and sending lovely meals! We are feeling the love and prayers! I wish I had time to talk to and message each of you but until then, I thought this might suffice. I will even sprinkle in some photos from being home.

So we arrived home on Wednesday night and had our first full day this past Thursday. We have tried to stick to some sort of routine that Elemér will get familiar with.

   

Questions:

How is Elemér adjusting to his new home? 
He is doing great!
-I think it was good that we went from the apartment to a hotel this mixed things up so when we came here it wasn't like he left our real home, this is just a another home we are staying at.
-Realizing that there are 2 bathrooms available to him, not just the upstairs one :)
-He asks if things are 'his' a lot. I think the realization of owning things is a strong need for him. It always makes him smile when he finds out it's his.
-He has personally child proofed our house. As he touched things on Thursday Tony and I moved some things and added needed locks to other things.

Note: We have always struggled with putting things away. Austin was able to maintain self-control and for the most part we had delicates out his whole life. Elemér just needs to learn not to touch things right? Well when adopting it isn't that simple. We want him to be as successful and feel loved and nurtured as possible. So, many things we have to say no to. Why add a vase that can be put up or a knife drawer that can be locked to that no list? Basically, it's less things we have to say 'no' to.

- He is always amazed with finding new things in the house.
- He loves music and dancing and has requested music from Apa's (Daddy) record player a couple times. He even gave me the look of disgust when I put on Pandora instead of a record yesterday! LOL!!
- He is not a fan of TV or anything you have to sit and do. He did do a couple puzzles but lost attention quickly after one time through.
-He loves being outside, we knew this from before but it is still true today.
-He LOVES the pool. Wants to be there ALL the time. This is good because it wears him out. He has become quite a fish! We have to watch him very closely because he has developed a bad habit of jumping out at us when we are not ready and this concerns me when I am at the pool by myself with the two boys. Very little fear around water (as well as land!).This is a HUGE change from a month ago when he would scream in the bath tub.

  

- He did awesome on his haircut today. Austin prefers to get a salon cut now so when he got home and we were talking about it Elemér indicated that he wanted his cut too. I was planning on it but this was a great opportunity to make it happen!

   

What does Elemér think of Georgia?
-The word 'hot' is used quite a lot
-I think he likes riding in the car here.
Thankfully he hasn't discovered fire ants yet and I am keeping a diligent eye on the back yard for ant hills.

How is Austin doing?
-I have to say it has been hard being home. He is doing a really good job but this brother thing has him stressed. Even though we have let him off the hook he tries to parent and he stresses out over it. This will just take time (suggestions accepted).
-He has taken MANY 'breaks' and gone up to his room, most of the time to read or play. Elemér is quite loud and Austin is just not used to it.
-I have caught him doing sweet brotherly things this week too. Helping Elemér wash his hands, holding Elemér's hand when requested, sharing cookies, playing cars, and even Lego's together.
- Austin made some huge sacrifices this summer and and although we have told him over and over how much it means to us and how I couldn't have done it without him, we wanted to reward him for going out of his comfort zone time and time again, for some times playing second fiddle, and having to be my right hand man for 2 weeks. Tony and I took him to the Lego store to pick out any (in my budget) set he wanted. He found this much harder than he thought. In the end he chose 1 medium and 2 smaller sets. This is not even enough to tell him how proud I am of him and his growth this summer.
-Austin is looking forward to spending the night with a friend on Monday and this just might be what he needs to recharge.
-There are a couple surprise trips too but he doesn't know about those!
- Summer can be difficult for siblings so I think things will get better once school starts and they are not together all day.
-Thanking God for the pool!

    

How are Tony and I doing?
I won't lie this isn't a walk in the park. Coming home has made this very real...very real! Tony and I are functioning on one day at a time (sweet Jesus). Each day has it's own 'die to self' moments. We have been in a season of independence and calmness and now we are not. Elemér is NOT Austin at 4. We expected that, we talked about that, we planned on that. Living it...that is another story. Sometimes in the day we are crying tears of laughter, while minutes later we are needing a break from the loud running crazy kid or maybe just crying. These are the days of our lives...
Soon we will look back and say 'what did you expect?' just like we did with raising Austin. I personally am WAY more laid back than I was with Austin while this time Tony seems to be more stressed about things. Sometimes I'll say 'no, don't do ___, then I think 'what is going to happen if he does?' and I realize it really isn't life altering, just not the way I think it should be done.  While in Hungary Austin and I talked about how much I learned from raising him and how things that bothered me with him don't bother me anymore. I told him I wish I had not worried about the petty things then but that I appreciated him for teaching me. So go ahead, mix the Play-Doh, drink your water out of yesterdays cup. Drink all your juice before dinner. Its all good. Not going to stress (or try not to).

   

Currently I am sleeping on a fold up mattress in Elemér's room and hope to enjoy my own bed tomorrow night. Elemér has been sleeping through the night in his own bed and wakes up around 5:15. IF I can get him to go to the bathroom and convince him it's still night he MIGHT fall back asleep, so far its been a 50/50 shot. He is not a fan of bedtime and going back to bed is worst of all! If I can get him back to sleep he will sleep till about 7:30. Eating still continues to be good.

(the question no one is asking) So whats the deal with bonding? From the pictures it looks like everything is good.

Thing are good. Elemér will run to me and Tony. He gets nervous sometimes but most of the time he has no concept of strangers. No concept of who is in his circle of family. He likes physical contact and this can lead to sometimes him touching complete strangers. He thinks all ladies are Néni (aunts) and sometimes Anya (mom) and men are Apa (Dad). Even in the time of hi's and bye's he is confused and saddend when people have left. He wants everyone to stay. He watches people all the time and is a big fan of the ladies. He is quite a flirt! Will this change? We don't know, all we know is that we can give him time to understand that there are a lot of people out there: man, lady, girl, boy, baby.... and who are Anya, Apa, Baba (Austin), real aunts, real uncles. Slowly introducing him. but helping him be wary of others. Maybe this is his personality, to be friendly and welcoming, we will see.

    

What else: 
- Know that Elemér's story is his we prefer not to talk about his previous life. When he is ready he will share it with those who he wishes to. (Think- Have you shared your childhood sadness's with strangers or your colleagues?) This is his to share. He was in foster care, released for adoption and now is forever and ever part of our family.
- He looks like he will talk to you. Elemér looks like a 4 1/2 yr old kid. runs, jumps, screams all like a 4 1/2 year old. He doesn't speak in sentences and plays charades a lot. So when I say Elemér 'said' usually it was actually acted out. His vocabulary has grown quite a bit since we have been together but he still has a LONG way to go. We will have him tested to see if he qualifies for special services. On the other hand.. Elemér understands A LOT! We speak in sentences to him and for the most part he will do what we ask with out us having to demonstrate or act out. So if you speak to Elemér know that he understand you but he just might give you his favorite response 'nem' (no) or just smile at you.

When he does have something to say, he uses his own special language and speaks sentences. This is when the personality and sassiness can come through. It is fun to see his learning and changing day by day.

IF you are not sure what to do around him please read the Coming Home Post, but basically act normal and focus on Tony, Austin, and I with a "Hi" to Elemér.

We love you all and thank you for following our journey. This will be our last planned post. I have some parting thoughts about leaving Hungary that I hope to post before summer ends but we will see.

Facebook is the best place to follow our changes, but posts here might appear randomly after today.

Thanks again for being a part of our journey!

XOXO The Mimms party of 4

Heading home!

So again we have been home for a couple days but here's the story!

At 5:45am Tony got us up to start preparing to leave. We had a taxi coming to pick us up at 8:30 and we also wanted to have breakfast and not feel rushed.

After final packing and preparations we headed to breakfast at the hotel and then checked out. The taxi ride is non eventful (Austin was excited to ride in a real taxi cab).

We arrived to the airport a little more than 2 hrs early. Due to the events in Turkey, airport processing had become much slower. We checked our bags and headed through security then duty free, and lastly to the food court where we got drinks and Elemér was able to play in the play place Tony had seen on his previous trip home. This was good, since we would be sitting most of the day Elemér REALLY needed to get some wiggles out and wear himself out. (This proved successful on our first flight to Amsterdam.)

  

  

Once we started boarding our 2hr flight to Amsterdam, Tony helped Elemér on the plane. Elemér wanted to touch the plane and was able to at the entrance. The is very sociable and smiled at all the stewardesses.

   

Austin and Tony were seated together a row ahead of us and on the opposite side. Elemér and I were seated together. Elemér didn't want his seat-belt on but I distracted him with a wipe (he loves to clean stuff!) and that seemed to do the trick!
Elemér did not want the window shade open most of the preflight or take off. Once we were in the air he decided he wanted to look out for a little bit.
He was very surprised, but not upset, about the take off rattling and sounds and seemed to enjoy it. Soon after we were in the air he fell asleep and slept for about 45mins.

   

After we arrived in Amsterdam we got through Passport check and headed toward our terminal. On the way we decided on some lunch.

The boys had pancakes!


Our layover in Amsterdam was 3 hours so we found our gate and Elemér and I found a place he could run, run, run! (again needed to wear him out)



We were at the end of the terminal and there were no planes running out of this area so Elemér and I played Stop/Go. He would run I would say stop (several times) and I would catch up to him and then I would say go and he would go until I said stop. There were 2 sets of moving sidewalks in this section so he would run then we would walk back on the moving sidewalks. This went on for most of the 1 1/2 hour wait (I think I logged 6k steps just during this!) Our flight to Atlanta would be a total of 9 hours and we didn't know how he would do for this long. So sleeping was a good choice over crying.
   


Finally it was time! Last leg! Almost home!

 

  

Again Elemér did SOO well. I was glad we all got to sit together this time. After the abundance of food they give you on these flights Elemér finally settled down and was able to sleep. I think for 2 -3 hours (it's all a blur) Once he woke up, we didn't try to make him sleep any more since we wanted him to sleep when we got home. So he colored and played tablet for the remainder of the the time on the plane (3hrs or so).

We arrived and were waiting to get of the plain and Elemér was all smiles. It was 2am in Hungary and we were all exhausted and he was smiling and being his jolly self. It was really nice.

Once we were off the plane we went through customs and Immigration. This took a little bit since only one desk was open and several international planes arrived that evening.

(Elemér wanted me to take this picture)

We successfully picked up our luggage, headed to to door where a friend generously was picking us up. We arrived home around 10:30. 

Elemér had seen a video of our house several times that Tony had taken his 1st trip home.So this was putting what he saw in 'real time.' He got bright eyes when he realized the things that were his. He would point to himself to say 'Mine?'

Quickly as possible we all headed to bed. I am sleeping on the floor, on a foam fold out mattress in Elemér's room through the weekend to make sure he can do a bed by himself (so far so good). 

Made by Grandma (Carol Mimms)

I will give more of an Elemér update tomorrow.