So we arrived home on Wednesday night and had our first full day this past Thursday. We have tried to stick to some sort of routine that Elemér will get familiar with.
Questions:
How is Elemér adjusting to his new home?
He is doing great!
-I think it was good that we went from the apartment to a hotel this mixed things up so when we came here it wasn't like he left our real home, this is just a another home we are staying at.
-Realizing that there are 2 bathrooms available to him, not just the upstairs one :)
-He asks if things are 'his' a lot. I think the realization of owning things is a strong need for him. It always makes him smile when he finds out it's his.
-He has personally child proofed our house. As he touched things on Thursday Tony and I moved some things and added needed locks to other things.
Note: We have always struggled with putting things away. Austin was able to maintain self-control and for the most part we had delicates out his whole life. Elemér just needs to learn not to touch things right? Well when adopting it isn't that simple. We want him to be as successful and feel loved and nurtured as possible. So, many things we have to say no to. Why add a vase that can be put up or a knife drawer that can be locked to that no list? Basically, it's less things we have to say 'no' to.
- He loves music and dancing and has requested music from Apa's (Daddy) record player a couple times. He even gave me the look of disgust when I put on Pandora instead of a record yesterday! LOL!!
- He is not a fan of TV or anything you have to sit and do. He did do a couple puzzles but lost attention quickly after one time through.
-He loves being outside, we knew this from before but it is still true today.
-He LOVES the pool. Wants to be there ALL the time. This is good because it wears him out. He has become quite a fish! We have to watch him very closely because he has developed a bad habit of jumping out at us when we are not ready and this concerns me when I am at the pool by myself with the two boys. Very little fear around water (as well as land!).This is a HUGE change from a month ago when he would scream in the bath tub.
-The word 'hot' is used quite a lot
-I think he likes riding in the car here.
Thankfully he hasn't discovered fire ants yet and I am keeping a diligent eye on the back yard for ant hills.
How is Austin doing?
-I have to say it has been hard being home. He is doing a really good job but this brother thing has him stressed. Even though we have let him off the hook he tries to parent and he stresses out over it. This will just take time (suggestions accepted).
-He has taken MANY 'breaks' and gone up to his room, most of the time to read or play. Elemér is quite loud and Austin is just not used to it.
-I have caught him doing sweet brotherly things this week too. Helping Elemér wash his hands, holding Elemér's hand when requested, sharing cookies, playing cars, and even Lego's together.
- Austin made some huge sacrifices this summer and and although we have told him over and over how much it means to us and how I couldn't have done it without him, we wanted to reward him for going out of his comfort zone time and time again, for some times playing second fiddle, and having to be my right hand man for 2 weeks. Tony and I took him to the Lego store to pick out any (in my budget) set he wanted. He found this much harder than he thought. In the end he chose 1 medium and 2 smaller sets. This is not even enough to tell him how proud I am of him and his growth this summer.
-Austin is looking forward to spending the night with a friend on Monday and this just might be what he needs to recharge.
-There are a couple surprise trips too but he doesn't know about those!
- Summer can be difficult for siblings so I think things will get better once school starts and they are not together all day.
-Thanking God for the pool!
I won't lie this isn't a walk in the park. Coming home has made this very real...very real! Tony and I are functioning on one day at a time (sweet Jesus). Each day has it's own 'die to self' moments. We have been in a season of independence and calmness and now we are not. Elemér is NOT Austin at 4. We expected that, we talked about that, we planned on that. Living it...that is another story. Sometimes in the day we are crying tears of laughter, while minutes later we are needing a break from the loud running crazy kid or maybe just crying. These are the days of our lives...
Soon we will look back and say 'what did you expect?' just like we did with raising Austin. I personally am WAY more laid back than I was with Austin while this time Tony seems to be more stressed about things. Sometimes I'll say 'no, don't do ___, then I think 'what is going to happen if he does?' and I realize it really isn't life altering, just not the way I think it should be done. While in Hungary Austin and I talked about how much I learned from raising him and how things that bothered me with him don't bother me anymore. I told him I wish I had not worried about the petty things then but that I appreciated him for teaching me. So go ahead, mix the Play-Doh, drink your water out of yesterdays cup. Drink all your juice before dinner. Its all good. Not going to stress (or try not to).
(the question no one is asking) So whats the deal with bonding? From the pictures it looks like everything is good.
Thing are good. Elemér will run to me and Tony. He gets nervous sometimes but most of the time he has no concept of strangers. No concept of who is in his circle of family. He likes physical contact and this can lead to sometimes him touching complete strangers. He thinks all ladies are Néni (aunts) and sometimes Anya (mom) and men are Apa (Dad). Even in the time of hi's and bye's he is confused and saddend when people have left. He wants everyone to stay. He watches people all the time and is a big fan of the ladies. He is quite a flirt! Will this change? We don't know, all we know is that we can give him time to understand that there are a lot of people out there: man, lady, girl, boy, baby.... and who are Anya, Apa, Baba (Austin), real aunts, real uncles. Slowly introducing him. but helping him be wary of others. Maybe this is his personality, to be friendly and welcoming, we will see.
- Know that Elemér's story is his we prefer not to talk about his previous life. When he is ready he will share it with those who he wishes to. (Think- Have you shared your childhood sadness's with strangers or your colleagues?) This is his to share. He was in foster care, released for adoption and now is forever and ever part of our family.
- He looks like he will talk to you. Elemér looks like a 4 1/2 yr old kid. runs, jumps, screams all like a 4 1/2 year old. He doesn't speak in sentences and plays charades a lot. So when I say Elemér 'said' usually it was actually acted out. His vocabulary has grown quite a bit since we have been together but he still has a LONG way to go. We will have him tested to see if he qualifies for special services. On the other hand.. Elemér understands A LOT! We speak in sentences to him and for the most part he will do what we ask with out us having to demonstrate or act out. So if you speak to Elemér know that he understand you but he just might give you his favorite response 'nem' (no) or just smile at you.
When he does have something to say, he uses his own special language and speaks sentences. This is when the personality and sassiness can come through. It is fun to see his learning and changing day by day.
IF you are not sure what to do around him please read the Coming Home Post, but basically act normal and focus on Tony, Austin, and I with a "Hi" to Elemér.
We love you all and thank you for following our journey. This will be our last planned post. I have some parting thoughts about leaving Hungary that I hope to post before summer ends but we will see.
Facebook is the best place to follow our changes, but posts here might appear randomly after today.
Thanks again for being a part of our journey!
XOXO The Mimms party of 4
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